I have so many inadequacies. What happens when too much really is too little? And what happens when all you see in yourself, is what others see in you...
This morning i prayed, God teach me to love with your love, love that is generous and not imposing. Love that wants the best for another but little for yourself. Jesus never asked to be deserved of our love. Because i am weak, i want to love with your love Lord.
Inadequecies
Reflections
Guess i was feeling rather overwhelmed today, i started huffing and puffing and getting fed up and confused crunching numbers and figures but my brain feels like its mushed up and i got irritable. Recalled collegues mentioning over lunch the other day, whether it was more stressful to work or doing PhD. There are the perks of enjoying more flexibility in working hours now, no 8-5 boundaries. But at work, when the clock hits, most often you can shelf the work and leave it aside, at least mentally you can. But here, you're your own boss and you can never run away from your problems. if you're not gonna solve it sooner or later its gonna come back and bite you in the ass. But sometimes you get dismissed, like aiya you studying, no hardship one la. I guess i'm feeling the stress, since its the final year and peers are rushing to wrap things up. I know its all come down to this and it's time. I don't think i'm afraid of actually working after graduation, but at least, i had hopes of making this work. I wonder if i'm allowed to feel such emotions, if i had the right to exercise distress without sounding like i was unloading unnecessarily. I don't have it together all the time, but i thought i had to. After all that huffing and puffing and stressing, i did mangage to bulldoze through some problems. Ya, i operate better under stress. So all the huffing was not without returns. Ending the day with dear over the phone, i remembered why it was important to keep my attitude in check and to share honestly and gently instead of unloading. I think perhaps woman have a tendency to do that, in our most urgent desires to be understood and sympathised, we unload so that someone else feels for our situation and comforts us. And i realized tonight that's really unhealthy. I don't have to make my problem his problem, but his loyal counsel would be my motivation. Because, we are called to half each others' burdens and not to double them. He was right, in reminding me we should just be who we are with each other. It was a most comfortable afterthought, that he really didn't mind the real me after all.
Chris, did you know? Your words of understanding and kindness fuel me past my own inabilites.
my existence
Quoting George Whiteside; "Papers are a central part of research. If your research does not generate papers, it might as well have not been done. "Interesting and unpublished" is equivalent to "non-existent"." Adv Materials. 2004, 16, 1375.
I guess up to now, I've just been non existent.
Awesome song... Singing every little girl's dream, including mine... I first heard it in Bride Wars where anne and kate walked the aisles down their weddings and i hope someday i can walk mine to it too
Today's Daily bread: Sinless, He was adored by the multitudes one day (Matt21:9), and then condemned as a criminal and died on a Roman cross in excruciating pain.
Yet, He chose to do so for you and for me.
Teach me Lord, of your mercy and grace. Teach me how to love unselfishly as you did..
Dreams need believing and faith to come true. I believe.
A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep.
In dreams you will lose your heartaches,
whatever you wish for you'll see.
Have faith in your dreams and someday,
your rainbow will come smiling through.
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing,
the dream that you wish will come through...
He's in my every dream, so i can smile in my sleep.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
