I await the coming of 2010, mostly with feelings of relief and fresh hope. It feels like a great new hope and promise of new beginnings. The potential of good things to come, is a relief for me. 2009 wasn't that awesome. I knew i had begun the year with many uncertainties. And bore witness to many of them coming to past. This year i walked in preempted fears and uneasiness. Hugely that there was so much to say and yet so much could not be translated. So much to be done and so much that was left undone. So much to control and yet so much that went out of control. I learnt alot about myself through the many lessons and i hope to remain optimistic that the best that came out of it was that i have matured and came face to face with myself and that i can learn to be honest with myself. To complete the process of inner healing and walk out of the scars of hurt and finally smile at them. A friend said recently i was too kind for my own good. I laughed with a bitter smile and mocked why. "You just are. It might do you in."
This year i know i strayed from Him. I watched on as others did his work and i just skimmed by. I forgot what it was like to be passionate with faith but laid instead childish prayers of requests on him. Countless times begging him for help, perhaps just hoping for his help. But the lack of faith is laughable. He became santa claus and not my Lord. In the coming year, i want to let him lead, firstly in my mind and emotions. Because i know, all the insecurities stemmed from the lack of Him in me and i had forced myself into establishing securities for myself everywhere else. He must hurt to see us walk so nonchalantly, losing out on all the blessings He had promised us.
Its easy to live for circumstances. Each day passes and you know, that there's important things you have to see to. But just for now, you don't want to tend to it. Procrastination. In the new year I'd like to know where i'm headed and plan ahead. Plan ahead.. Just made my resolutions and this time, i'm filled with hope of walking out of the shadows of this year and entering the new with confidence.
Don't let your heart skip a beat
or stare at the things with familiar wonderings.
Don't respond with that old fear,
or furrow and answer nothings wrong.
But be brave and teach yourself,
that many times we're our own worst enemy.
Hurts may come and tears may flow,
but faith and trust will pull us through.
This year i know i strayed from Him. I watched on as others did his work and i just skimmed by. I forgot what it was like to be passionate with faith but laid instead childish prayers of requests on him. Countless times begging him for help, perhaps just hoping for his help. But the lack of faith is laughable. He became santa claus and not my Lord. In the coming year, i want to let him lead, firstly in my mind and emotions. Because i know, all the insecurities stemmed from the lack of Him in me and i had forced myself into establishing securities for myself everywhere else. He must hurt to see us walk so nonchalantly, losing out on all the blessings He had promised us.
Its easy to live for circumstances. Each day passes and you know, that there's important things you have to see to. But just for now, you don't want to tend to it. Procrastination. In the new year I'd like to know where i'm headed and plan ahead. Plan ahead.. Just made my resolutions and this time, i'm filled with hope of walking out of the shadows of this year and entering the new with confidence.
Don't let your heart skip a beat
or stare at the things with familiar wonderings.
Don't respond with that old fear,
or furrow and answer nothings wrong.
But be brave and teach yourself,
that many times we're our own worst enemy.
Hurts may come and tears may flow,
but faith and trust will pull us through.
