Showing posts with label fears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fears. Show all posts

Simple but Treasured

Labels: , , - Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Haven't been blogging consistently for a bit. Its a matter of having too many thoughts in your brain that you kinda just wanna pen it to relieve yourself.
Rounding up my work now.. Its evoking some fears, doubts and mindless rambles. Is this good enough, damn what results to show, crap even i don't understand what i'm doing sometimes how to convince others of this crap. But beneath it all, i'm thankful to labmates around me. Their presence soothes me. Not like everyone is in the same boat or what, but i just like seeing them around. Seeing them push in their work, that we can all hang out and go for lunch and dinner together, that i can just turn my chair around and talk cock to them... simple things like that. Last night i stayed back late in office with YY and Yan Hua. We had dinner and travelled home together. Even though it was just a simple time, i really enjoyed and treasured their presence. And i found myself already missing these times, when YH will be starting work really soon, another allie leaving... And i also enjoy when we all go jogging in campus, MK, YY, YH , XF. Other lab buddies, May, Riko, LK, Der, MY too.. We always seem to have crappy things to say and complain about. Simple times.. but greatly treasured..
Had dinner with the boys just now. Was raining again and damn cannot play tennis again. I super hate the monsoon season because of this. Wanted to try out the new grip ah ber was gonna teach me, the continental grip was hurting my wrist quite a bit last wk when i exerted it. But it'll hold off to next week. Enjoyed the company, as always its honest and candid. They always have something to say about me, but i know their right and they know me for what i am, and them saying it seems almost like i'm externalizing my own thoughts trapped inside of me; plainly accurate. I think the dynamics of this friendship is special and again, i'm blessed with friends like the boys and my special dear sister XF! whose away in the USofA but my prayers are with her, that God will keep her safe and bless her with a fulfilling trip. Again, simple times.. and greatly treasured..
Am i a worrier? Or am I just being a woman? There are these things that haunt me.. But I ask the Lord to release me as i learn to release my fears to Him. I learnt from several friends; most recent of which from daryl; that we have to be first responsible for ourselves and to ourselves, before we can than bless others or the ones we love..

Peace. That which is most precious i realize now.

Scaling the via ferrata

Labels: , , - Sunday, July 12, 2009

Yesterday I did the unimaginable. I scaled the via ferrata in the new Orchard Central. It stretches 30m tall, that's 5 storeys high and its the highest indoor wall in Asia. I had originally wanted to try out rock climbing, since i've always wanted to do it and never got about trying it. Needed to do something aggresive to clear out my mind and push my body into willing. Fang was onz with me, Wei and Ber weren't too keen abt it initially, but i guess everyone wanted to be supportive and accompany me for it. Orchard central has 2 kinds of climb, one the regular rock wall with features and mechanic belay. Than there's the via ferrata, which has 2 routes up. Basically there's cable features protruding out off the wall, so that you climb using these instead of grabbing rocks. We thought there was nothing to it, just like climbing up a really tall ladder, but boy were we wrong. Its damn hard. There are inclines in the wall and you really have to use alot of upper body strength. Plus the rungs are strategically placed to provide a challenge. The scariest thing is you don't get belayed. There's a safety hook- the lobster claw that you hook along the way as you proceed upwards. When you're tired you can hook the carabiner (that's the other claw from your harnest) on, and just lean back and rest.

The intial part was one of the hardest. I was 1-4, first to head up, followed by Ber, Wei and Fang. I only got up 3 to 4 rungs when i realised my arms were already tired.. There i thought to myself, crap i can't do this. But if i didn't move than the rest couldn't get a move on too. Damn, i had to push myself up. As i got higher and Ber started up as well i was thinking, shit, no way down only up and it looked like a horribly long way to go... After a while you get the hang of it, shifting the lobster claws, holding on, and putting the connecting cable into the pigtails. I got to the 1st platform, that's 3 storey's up midpoint and finally could catch a breath there. And o my.. Its really awesome and scary to look down. So many people looking like puny insects staring up and snapping us on their cameras. We were their free entertainment Bernard said on that platform. Of course i knew that wasn't the end and we were still stuck so moving up again.. The second leg was tough, the steps out of the platfrm was tricky and you kinda needed to stretch really far to get out. I got more afraid, i was afraid i didn't have the strength to hold on or pull myself up the next rung. So i desperately tried to clip my carabiner every step of the way which wasn't very possible. Close to reaching the top, my lobster claw got entangled with the cables and i was quite trapped. I was bumped cos I was so close to finishing, if i die now super bo hua. Thankfully Ber could reach the claw and entangle it for me. I was never so glad to hit the grounds again after that. We took 1hr15min to complete it and i was glad for the experience. Would i do it again? Probably not... But I had a heck of adrenaline rush and battle scars to show for my bravery.
Climbing the massive wall made me do alot of thinking. I was alone in my thoughts, faced with the fear of possibly plummeting to my death, contemplating my choices in life (such as this one, i did after all choose to do this) and more than ever made me think deeper. I thought about the reasons i had for wanting certain things in life, were they selfish, self indulgent and what's good enough for the future. I decided i wanted to live life clearly, if there was going to be pain along the way than i had to deal with it bravely and not put it off and dying a slow but sure death. Because either way, we were all going to die eventually. So i might as well go knowing i did my best, i chose wisely.
Thanks to friends who literally really did put their lives on the line for me. They'll never know how much that day meant to me. I scaled not just the wall, but myself.
Special thanks to my dear friend XiaoFang, she really was my guardian angel this week. Thank you gaL :)








missing him... I really do want it to work..

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