tHe pRincesS DiAry

Wish he'd really ask, what i want, and what i'm really thinking about...
That kindness and patience in his voice, is missed.. for some time now..

I chanced upon 吻别 again, after a good 2 decades. And i still really like the song... Sigh, puts one in such a pensieve mood too, and i keep playing it over and over and over... hah.



前尘往事成云烟消散在彼此眼前
就连说过了再见也看不见你有些哀怨
给我的一切你不过是在敷衍
你笑的越无邪我就会爱你爱得更狂野
总在刹那间有一些了解
说过的话不可能会实现
就在一转眼发现你的脸
已经陌生不会再像从前

我的世界开始下雪
冷得让我无法多爱一天
冷得连隐藏的遗憾都那么地明显

我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲

想要给你的思念就像风筝断了线
飞不进你的世界也温暖不了你的视线
我已经看见一出悲剧正上演
剧终没有喜悦我仍然躲在你的梦里面

总在刹那间有一些了解
说过的话不可能会实现
就在一转眼发现你的脸
已经陌生不会再像从前

我的世界开始下雪
冷得让我无法多爱一天
冷得连隐藏的遗憾都那么地明显

我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲

I am vulnerable when i'm with people who really care about me. Uncontrollably i give in to sobs and emotions flooding, even when i have no words it's good to let it out. Its ok. Because i feel safe in their presence. I need to feel safe and their reassurance is reassuring enough to get me through. God, you're in control, and i'm grateful for that and that you provide people who care.

some things i learnt about through this few weeks...
1. There's no way you can take control over everything. The more you fight, the worse it gets. Let God take control.
2. Love is a commitment, its not just feelings.
3. Always look at yourself before you look at others, because you're imperfect too.
3. Be brave, face your problems.
4. Give life your best shot, and don't live to regret your decisions.
5. Don't be impatient, fools rush in.
6. Nothing should be taken for granted, because everything that's meaningful and precious comes with the price of hard work and dedication.
7. Friendship and wisdom are by far the most treasured jewels one can find.

I'm quite impressed with my body, apparently i don't quite need as much food and sleep as i thought i would.

Smile by Uncle Kracker

Yesterday I did the unimaginable. I scaled the via ferrata in the new Orchard Central. It stretches 30m tall, that's 5 storeys high and its the highest indoor wall in Asia. I had originally wanted to try out rock climbing, since i've always wanted to do it and never got about trying it. Needed to do something aggresive to clear out my mind and push my body into willing. Fang was onz with me, Wei and Ber weren't too keen abt it initially, but i guess everyone wanted to be supportive and accompany me for it. Orchard central has 2 kinds of climb, one the regular rock wall with features and mechanic belay. Than there's the via ferrata, which has 2 routes up. Basically there's cable features protruding out off the wall, so that you climb using these instead of grabbing rocks. We thought there was nothing to it, just like climbing up a really tall ladder, but boy were we wrong. Its damn hard. There are inclines in the wall and you really have to use alot of upper body strength. Plus the rungs are strategically placed to provide a challenge. The scariest thing is you don't get belayed. There's a safety hook- the lobster claw that you hook along the way as you proceed upwards. When you're tired you can hook the carabiner (that's the other claw from your harnest) on, and just lean back and rest.

The intial part was one of the hardest. I was 1-4, first to head up, followed by Ber, Wei and Fang. I only got up 3 to 4 rungs when i realised my arms were already tired.. There i thought to myself, crap i can't do this. But if i didn't move than the rest couldn't get a move on too. Damn, i had to push myself up. As i got higher and Ber started up as well i was thinking, shit, no way down only up and it looked like a horribly long way to go... After a while you get the hang of it, shifting the lobster claws, holding on, and putting the connecting cable into the pigtails. I got to the 1st platform, that's 3 storey's up midpoint and finally could catch a breath there. And o my.. Its really awesome and scary to look down. So many people looking like puny insects staring up and snapping us on their cameras. We were their free entertainment Bernard said on that platform. Of course i knew that wasn't the end and we were still stuck so moving up again.. The second leg was tough, the steps out of the platfrm was tricky and you kinda needed to stretch really far to get out. I got more afraid, i was afraid i didn't have the strength to hold on or pull myself up the next rung. So i desperately tried to clip my carabiner every step of the way which wasn't very possible. Close to reaching the top, my lobster claw got entangled with the cables and i was quite trapped. I was bumped cos I was so close to finishing, if i die now super bo hua. Thankfully Ber could reach the claw and entangle it for me. I was never so glad to hit the grounds again after that. We took 1hr15min to complete it and i was glad for the experience. Would i do it again? Probably not... But I had a heck of adrenaline rush and battle scars to show for my bravery.
Climbing the massive wall made me do alot of thinking. I was alone in my thoughts, faced with the fear of possibly plummeting to my death, contemplating my choices in life (such as this one, i did after all choose to do this) and more than ever made me think deeper. I thought about the reasons i had for wanting certain things in life, were they selfish, self indulgent and what's good enough for the future. I decided i wanted to live life clearly, if there was going to be pain along the way than i had to deal with it bravely and not put it off and dying a slow but sure death. Because either way, we were all going to die eventually. So i might as well go knowing i did my best, i chose wisely.
Thanks to friends who literally really did put their lives on the line for me. They'll never know how much that day meant to me. I scaled not just the wall, but myself.
Special thanks to my dear friend XiaoFang, she really was my guardian angel this week. Thank you gaL :)








missing him... I really do want it to work..

It hurts.